


Spirited Away

by akuma_river



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: FrostIron - Freeform, Fuck Or Die, M/M, Mpreg, Poor Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2017-12-22 10:02:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/911919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akuma_river/pseuds/akuma_river
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The people closest to Tony Stark often joke about how he seems to be blessed or cursed because of the insane situations he finds himself in. Tony humors them while in the back of his mind he hopes that his family's curse never rears its ugly head. It does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thursday July 19, 2012 T minus 295 Days

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I know that I should be working on my other frostiron fic but it is to me a more difficult story to tell. Which makes it more difficult to write. So I need a break from it while I gather my thoughts on how to proceed.
> 
> I've been reading fics of multiple fandoms lately and I got this idea of a type of 'fuck or die situation' for Tony. So let me know what you think.
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](http://akumakawa.tumblr.com)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: A/N  
> I had posted the original chapter several months back when I got an offer from someone to beta it. I went through a major re-write of what was first three chapters. 
> 
> I had also added a countdown to the story since I was able to get my hands on a [MCU timeline](http://www.tiki-toki.com/timeline/entry/5395/A-Marvel-Cinematic-Universe-Timeline/#vars!date=2193-08-11_03:51:18!). Then I realized I had the year wrong for IM3 and that it takes place 18 months after The Avengers not 6 months later like I had thought. So I had to tweak things again. I also found a better [MCU timeline](http://marvelcinematicuniverse.wikia.com/wiki/Timeline) as well.
> 
> After that beta left me in the lurch I went to poor Anna and she picked it up. I also changed the format and switched things around by making each day in the countdown get its own chapter. Because they were originally part of the first chapters I will posted them a couple at a time to get everything caught up. 
> 
> For those curious you can find original chapter 1 and 2 at my journals on [DreamWidth](http://akuma-river.dreamwidth.org/tag/story:+spirited+away%20), [Insane Journal](http://akuma-river.insanejournal.com/tag/story:+spirited+away%20), and [LiveJournal](http://akuma-river.livejournal.com/tag/story%3A%20spirited%20away).
> 
> I'm so very sorry for the long wait. But at least the fic is better, right?
> 
> As always I give blanket permission for you guys to play with my creations, fanart, fanmixes, fanfiction, fanvideos, etc playing with my universe, characters, and so forth is given. Just dedicate it to me and give me porn. :D

_Thursday July 19, 2012 T minus 295 Days_

 

It's a little more than a year and two months after The Battle of New York when Tony starts to realize that _something_ is happening around him. 

At first, Tony thought it might be tied to his anxiety over what happened in New York. 

However, it wasn't the battle in New York, Loki defenestrating him out of his own penthouse, nor fighting the Chitauri that haunted Tony every time he closed his eyes and started to drift away into the realm of dreams. No, it was the dark void of space and what Tony saw and felt in that place as he delivered the nuke to destroy the Chitauri mothership. 

It was a hot day in New York that May but in that cold deadness of space Tony couldn't feel the sun's blazing rays. All he felt was a chill pass through his body like someone had walked upon his grave. For in that emptiness of space Tony could _feel_ eyes upon him. Sense the presence of other beings beating upon his mind trying to get in. And he could have sworn he saw flickering images of _something_ out of the corner of his eyes. 

As terrifying as it was to experience the hell of that day it didn't even compare to the nightmares that visited him nearly every night since. In that realm Tony doesn't just _feel_ the presence of other creatures, he _sees_ them, visibly in front of him in that dead not-so-empty space, some sort of Lovecraftian Eldritch beings that eat at his mind's rationality. Nearly every night since that he goes to sleep, Tony _hears_ their _voices_ in his mind as they call out for him, _[Antaine](http://www.forvo.com/word/antaine/), Antaine, come home. Come home to us Antaine._

Trapped in the dream, Tony could feel a deep clawing fear scraping its way out of his body as a primal scream of terror, as he felt something deep within him answer those calls and want to drag him into madness. The screams he cannot voice in his nightmares are vocalized when he wakes shrieking and shaking out of those nightmares. 

Tony cries out 'don't touch me' 'I don't belong to you' 'leave me alone' repeatedly over and over as if a mantra as he scrapes and claws his shaking body all the way to his bathroom in order to escape _them_ as if he was still trapped in the mindset of the nightmares. He locks himself in and rinses his face off refusing to even look into the mirror, fearful of seeing their eyes staring back at him from his reflection.

Those are the nights he spends the rest of the dark hours and daylight working in his lab designing and building new armor suits to be _ready_ for when they come for him. Deep inside of him, Tony _feels_ that they will. That they _are_.

It's those nightmares and the aftermath of them which make Tony doubt that anything abnormal or even paranormal was actually happening around him. 

Tony was able to deny everything he saw and felt because he believed it was all in his head. How was he to trust what he saw, heard, and felt when he could feel himself losing his grip with reality every time when he would awake from those nightmares? It was as if with each new nightmare he was losing a piece of himself and then there was those moments that would come when he would break down into an anxiety attack just _thinking_ about the Battle in New York because they always inevitably lead to him thinking of _The Void_ and he would always find himself quickly grasping for breath as every cell within his body shook with terror. 

 

The signs were subtle in the beginning. The first instance of something strange happening around him that Tony can vividly recall was when he was alone in the lab working with JARVIS. It was early late Sunday night at the beginning of July. Pepper asleep in their bed and Tony working on a new suit of armor. He thought he heard something and something within him told him to turn off the welder and the music and pay attention. 

Tony's heart beat had picked up and goosebumps dotted up his arms as he tilted his head and closed his eyes trying to focus on his hearing. It seems silly to do but study after study had shone that blocking one sense can enhance the others and he needs to know if the sound he faintly heard is something from his nightmares and imagination or something _real_ It came softly then like a little bell tinkling from far away and Tony _felt_ something within him, a small electric jolt, answer the _call_. 

Tony's eyes flashed open and he turned his head towards where he thought he heard the sound. It came again, a little more clearer, like it was traveling closer to him but it came from a completely different direction. 

Spooked and feeling the goosebumps travel up his arms, Tony decides to ignore everything and went to turn the welder back on in a move to block out the sound when he sees a shadow of some sort out of the corner of his eye. 

Tony quickly turned towards it but there's no one and nothing there. 

Tony is alone, alone in his workshop with no one else around and it is _silent_. A chill runs up Tony's back at that realization. Tony debates on asking JARVIS if he had heard the sound, but decides once more to ignore it. Decides to ignore _everything_ even something within him telling him someone _is_ there with him, he just can't _see_ them.

Considering how badly that Tony is handling things after New York, even fourteen months later, it's not out of the realm of possibility that everything that Tony feels happening is reminiscent to how things were after Afghanistan. Only amped up. Which is why Tony ignored the mysterious sounds and the shadow and believes them to just be another symptom of his PTS. 

It started with the aftereffects of Afghanistan, the constant threat of torture and possible death from the terrorists and his own body. Then with Obie's betrayal leaving him there on the floor paralyzed unable to do anything to save himself. It's no wonder that Tony was left with emotional and mental scars. Scars that New York only deepened and festered the healing wounds.

The symptoms Tony had after Afghanistan and Obie's betrayal weren't as bad as what Tony has now, but back then he didn't see what he _saw_ and _felt_ in _The Void_. After the nightmares that continue to haunt him in the bright light of day, Tony isn't surprised how badly he's handling things. Even when he's awake things don't feel real as if he's still in the nightmare and he just doesn't realize it yet. Like the subconscious of his mind can't turn off the horrors of the nightmares and they are leaking into his waking conscious.

If it had just been that one night or even something that popped up once in a while then Tony could have continued to ignore it as just a minor auditory and visual hallucination and moved on with accepting his current and most devastating mental breakdown yet. Maybe even pushing him towards admitting how badly things really are.

Pepper told him that he was acting obsessively over creating new and more powerful Iron Man suits. Creating what Tony was calling his Iron Legion. That Tony was just using it as a coping mechanism so he could work himself to exhaustion and not have to deal with the emotional fallout of New York. Tony agreed, but only to himself because he couldn't acknowledge that he was as damaged as they thought he was. Or even worse than they could comprehend and each night he had those nightmares he felt himself slipping farther and farther from reality and sanity.


	2. Thursday July 26, 2012 T minus 288 Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Parts of this used to be part of chapter 1.

_Thursday July 26, 2012 T minus 288 Days_

The next moment that Tony could vividly recall a hallucination of the same sort as that he experienced in the workshop was about a week later.

It was a random enough event at this point for Tony to continue to ignore it and not associate it with the incident in the lab. Just a shadow out of the corner of his eye and a bell tinkling. His heartbeat picked up and his breath caught but it was nothing worthwhile past that.

Tony's nightmares had picked up in intensity in the past week and it wasn't uncommon for those who suffered from severe PTS to have moments of auditory and visual hallucinations. With the uptick in his nightmares Tony was starting to associate the new issues with his PTS getting worse or better – things always get worse before better when in the process of healing the whole lancing the wound before it can really heal bit – since he was also having more anxiety attacks lately. Tony was of the belief that this was all a symptom of his mind trying to cope with the issue of his nightmares causing him to slip his grasp of reality by trying to address it with more than just the subconscious part of the mind which unfortunately causes his awake part of his mind to attribute it as a type of hallucination. 

In which case Tony just feels that he is falling deeper out of the realm rationality and sanity no matter how much he tells himself his brain is trying to deal with a trauma like a computer dealing with a trojan or a virus. He's _healing_ he just doesn't feel that way.

The worst part is that he can't tell if he's just lying to himself. That in reality things are getting worse and he can't tell that anymore because like a frog in a pot of hot water he keeps adapting to the raising temperature of what he terms acceptable. It will only be when he looks at things from another's point of view that he find the truth and the way that Pepper looks at Tony sometimes makes him think he's far closer to the edge of insanity than he thought he was.

If all of that wasn't bad enough as it was to force Tony to question his truth as reality then the invasions he feels in quiet moments are. Sometimes like that lady in that book _The Yellow Wallpaper_ Tony feels as if there is something pushing him towards his break with reality. 

There are moments in the day or night when Tony is still and at peace that he feels as if there is knock upon his mind and his thoughts are filled with the memories of the Battle as if they are seeping through cracks in his mind. 

It's not like there is one moment he would working on something in his shop or watching tv and then the next he suddenly flashes back to the Battle and then to _The Void_ and his nightmares, but it was more than that. He would swear that he could hear the sounds of battle in his ears as Cap and the rest report via their coms about their battle situation. Tony would feel the burn of bruises and cuts upon his body and the ache of moving with them. Then there was the empty silence of space.  
The last of it was the worse. 

Because Tony would swear in those moments of only being able to hear his breaths like he was back in the Iron Man suit in the moments after JARVIS' voice died out and only able to feel the emptiness of space that he would _sense_ another presence in there _with_ him. 

All of it would send him straight into another anxiety attack but the last of it always caused the worst attacks. It wasn't just that he couldn't _breathe_ but that he felt trapped, under attack psychically like some _thing_ was able to _see_ him. It felt like he was trapped in an unending nightmare and he would question if he really awake, still asleep, or even if he was still in the battle.

It took so long to come back from those attacks. JARVIS would speak to him as if he was a man standing on the ledge and trying to talk him out of jumping. Tony would flee for the liquor the moment he could stand up and walk without collapsing from his inability to stop shaking. 

In those moments, Tony questioned about talking to Pepper about having him see someone. They always shook him up so badly that he wondered if that would be enough, if maybe he needed to be committed. 

It wasn't fair. Why was Tony reacting so badly to the Battle? Not even victims who were injured or witnesses of the Chitauri attacks were having as badly a time recuperating as Tony. And it was getting _worse_.

However, Tony would chicken out of mentioning his fears, his nightmares, his loss of sanity to anyone. Too afraid to confront the idea that he really was losing it. Tony would instead choose to weather out the storm himself. He would find himself on the ground slowly rocking his body to and fro as he hugged his legs; his eyes would be closed, his head laying upon his knees, sweat dripping from his body as he shook like he was freezing and he gasped desperately for a solid breath. 

Tony had used JARVIS when the nightmares first started a few weeks shortly after the Battle to scour medical and psychological resources. It was shocking for him to realize that everything he was experiencing was well within the realms of a normal case of severe PTS symptoms. 

When the worst attacks would hit, Tony would force himself to verbally recite the symptoms and their causes to himself as a meditative technique to calm himself down. Tony never acknowledged how much he needed this mantra; that it helped his brain to focus and pull his mind away from the attack and it cemented in Tony the belief that this was _normal_.

The fact that it was considered within the realms of normality helped Tony cope. But it was also why he continued to ignore the hallucinations, how closely they tied-in to his nightmares, and most importantly to the stories his mother told him about their family and its legacy.


	3. Friday August 17, 2012 T minus 266 Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-wrote the previous chapters. You need to go back and read the new chapters. Parts of this used to be part of chapter 1.

_Friday August 17, 2012 T minus 266 Days_

It was nearly a month after the hallucinations started that Tony realized his current game plan was not working.

He tried so hard to ignore them. To dismiss them as his PTS acting up. But it was getting more difficult as the hallucinations kept getting worse and occurring more often. 

They had started out once a week, or least Tony thought so since the first one he noticed happened on July 19th and then the next was a little over a week later (7 days) on July 26th, but then the next one was August 1 (6 days), then August 6th (5 days), then August 10th (4 days), then August 13th (3 days), and now on August 17th the hallucinations are appearing just about every other day and Tony has a feeling that soon it will be every day.

The increasing occurrence of the hallucinations is giving Tony the feeling that something more is going on here. They come without warning. They come when he is busy and focused, quiet and thinking, and once when he was pleasuring Pepper with his head between her knees when he heard the bell twinkling in his ears. There is no trigger that sets them off. They just _happen_.

Tony is coming a to horrible realization that these 'hallucinations' are a) not tied to his PTS and b) might not even be hallucinations. It's the last bit that has Tony _worried_ and triggers an old almost ancient fear from his youth to reappear and the very thought of it happening sends Tony spiraling into an impromptu anxiety attack.

Even though Tony was dead set on ignoring the hallucinations something within him told him to pay attention and he had a document recording each instance of the hallucinations and other odd behavior that he was attributing to his PTS to try to figure out what was 'triggering' his anxiety attacks and nightmares and trying to find solutions or least treatment to lessen his reactions to them.

Thus Tony found himself in the middle of the night on August 17th gazing with trepidation at all the data of his anxiety attacks, nightmares, possible triggers, and the visual and audial hallucinations. 

Looking at the research he's done on PTS and hallucinations and had JARVIS dig up information on himself the data that Tony is looking at is showing him that it's not PTS. At least, not everything that is wrong with him psychologically can be attributed to PTS. The data is showing a _pattern_ and not just some randomly appearing pattern of causes and triggers, but something more methodical. 

Tony adds another symptom to the data, 'the feeling of being watched' with a tired resignation.

Almost as if Tony called the presence's attention the second after he typed the last letter for the new symptom to his data list, Tony senses the hair on the back of his neck stand straight up as he feels something brush past him, flicking his hair. If Tony wasn't below ground in his workshop lab he would swear it was the wind from an open window. Goosebumps break out across Tony's arms and a flicker of a shadow is spotted out of the corner of his eye. _Fuck_.

It's _not_ hallucinations. God help him and Tony wishes at this moment he did believe in a theistic God that could intercede in mortal lives and save him from this, but he doesn't and it can't and he is so fucking fucked than he's never been more fucked in his life.

Tony could feel his breath becoming shorter and more haggard, his palms began sweating, a headache appearing, pounding at corner of his brain, and he knew he was about to have another anxiety attack the second time that week brought on by his terror.

_No. Not now. NOT NOW GODDAMNIT!_

Tony refuses, abso-fucking-lutely refuses to have a goddamn anxiety attack caused by _them_ and have them fucking _witness_ his weakness. So he forces himself to push _everything_ to the back of his mind as he orders JARVIS to turn up his music to the highest level. 

AC/DC blasts through his surround sound system as Tony hunches over his worktable with the palms of his fists tightly coiled and he takes deep breaths. He forces himself to focus on the here and now, the goosebumps on his arms, the hair sticking up on the back of his neck, the sweat glistening down his body, and the thump thump of the bass from the music calming the rapid pounding of his heart against the arc reactor as he unconsciously syncs the beating of his heart to the music and slowly he feels himself drift away. It's strange the first few moments away from an attack, by forcing himself to focus on the present he pulls his mind into a meditative state that momentarily feels like he is floating above his body. Slowly his hands unclench as he steps farther back from the cusp of an attack.

Tony isn't ignoring things any more. He's finished with that mode of coping. He has to face reality. No matter how much he wants to do like the proverbial ostrich and stick his head in the sand or the child pulling the blanket over their heads as if it is a magical barrier to keep all the bad things away, he can't. _This_ is his reality.

If Tony wants to survive this he NEEDS to acknowledge the truth and start to come up with a plan of attack.

He just can't do it _now_. At the moment Tony doesn't feel _safe_ enough to think about what was going on let alone to talk about it to JARVIS. Not when he can still feel eyes pressing into his back as he works on another suit. _Later_ , Tony tells himself as he reaches for the blow torch to work on the finishing touches of his newest suit. _Later_. 

 

It's several hours later as Friday night is turning into Saturday morning that Tony finishes with his work and orders JARVIS to put it with the others that he takes a break. The music is still pounding and drowning out any other sounds. It's soothing to his mind and he feels safer so he calls up the data once more. A misbegotten hope that his paranoia over the situation had him leading to the wrong conclusion. 

It would be infinitely better for Tony if everything that was happening was just Tony going crazy. That the hallucinations are really just hallucinations from the PTS. Or that after everything Tony has been through and all the emotional and physiological damage in addition to the drinking and drugs he would do that his mind is just losing touch with reality. _Any_ thing really is better than what Tony thinks is going on and which drives an atheist man such as himself to the brink of prayer in the hopes he's wrong.

However, the growing cold gnawing pit of fear in his stomach feels heavier than ever as he looks over the data and he knows it won't be that simple, that easy. Not for Tony Stark. 

Swallowing his fear down once more Tony makes a decision. He needs to know.

"JARVIS," Tony called out as he taps the table with one of his hands in nervousness. 

"Yes, sir?" Tony can hear the uncertainty in his voice. JARVIS has been watching him this whole time and he's seen Tony's behavior change throughout the past month. 

"We need to do some blood work." Tony answered as he walked off to an area in his lab where some syringes and an elastic tourniquet were stored. 

"Blood work, sir?" JARVIS questioned, curiosity and fear in the tone. Probably wondering what crazy idea Tony was going on about now.

"Yes," Tony uttered muffled as his teeth held one end of the tourniquet and his other hand was tying it off. Tony then thumps the vein in the crook of his elbow and slowly slides the needle in to draw out a blood sample. It would be the first of four vials to be filled with Tony's blood. 

"I assume by your actions, that it is to be your blood then? What shall I be looking for, sir?" JARVIS asked in his typical deadpan tone when Tony is up to something. Tony could almost physically feel the condemnational judging of JARVIS' tone as he probably thought Tony was about to do something reckless again. Given Tony's record he can't blame JARIS as harshly as he wants to for the accusational tone; JARVIS does have a point and JARVIS is usually the one who has to rescue Tony from his haire-brained antics.

"Any abnormalities." Tony informed JARVIS as he finishes drawing the last vial of his blood. Once Tony places the last vial down he extracts the needle from his arm and places it on the table next to the vials of his blood. He then unties the tourniquet with a quick wrist movement and places it near the needle.

"Understood, sir," JARVIS responded with a tone showing he is questioning Tony's behavior but that he will follow Tony's orders anyway. Tony could hear the worry in his voice but JARVIS keeps his inquires to himself as he has the equipment up and running by the time Tony finishes cleaning the injection site and placing a band-aid on it. 

"Ready, sir," JARVIS voice called out to Tony pulling his attention once more away from the prepping of the equipment readying itself for blood samples to be tested.

"How long do you think it'll take?" Tony asked as he deposited the blood samples into the devices that will test the blood for any sort of aberration. 

Tony's lab is fully stocked with any and every type of blood testing device there is. The majority of them leftover from a few years back when he was dying from the palladium metal poisoning and was desperately monitoring it and searching for a cure.

"At least four to eight hours sir. Perhaps up to a day or two, as you have not given any specific criteria, of which I am to look for." JARVIS answered back snarkly as he began the tests. From his tone Tony could tell that JARVIS was frustrated at the lack of direction and Tony's dearth of answers as to why this was needed.

Tony ran a hand through his hair as he stares out into the distance in the workshop seeing nothing. _A day, maybe more. Then I will_ know. 

"Sir?" JARVIS queried his tone filled with as much concern as that one word can convey. 

"I'm fine JARVIS." Tony quipped back as he turned and started to walk towards the stairs. "Just let me know when the tests are finished. I'll be upstairs." Tony ordered as he reached the top and left the workshop. 

JARVIS' voice confirming the order, "Understood, sir" 

As Tony walked out of the lab he realized he didn't know what to do for the time he needed to wait. He couldn't, didn't want to go back and stay in the lab. He didn't think he'd be able to handle remaining in that room as JARVIS conducted the tests that would confirm his worst fears and change his entire world. It just isn't something that he's able to handle not even with a few drinks in him.

Since he was a child and he lost his cousin this was the greatest and deepest fear he's ever had. It's one thing to face the reality of death and dying, but it was another to face this...this _curse_ and what the end will be.

Children the world over grow up hearing fairy tales nowadays through the medium of television and movies mostly by Disney that puts it into kid's heads that magic is fascinating, powerful, and a force for good it can be. It makes them wish that it could exist in their lives.

The stories told in the films never cover the dark reality of magic and curses and how the old fairy tales were stories to warn kids away from magic and the unknown. That they informed them about the threat that magic could be and instead of wishing that it could exist you should wish that it doesn't exist. That one dark night with the moon hidden that creatures from another world won't decide that you belong to them and suddenly you are taken from everything you know and love and will never return.

The reality isn't like world of Harry Potter it is more like the world of the old fairy tales that contained warnings about how humans are the playthings of other beings and how to avoid becoming their toy for they are greedy and possessive and would rather destroy than let what they 'own' go.

The dark thoughts caused Tony to crave a drink to put them at bay but they kept coming back. So he stood by his wall of glass and gazed out at the ocean. The surf was surging in and out by the to and fro of the moon's gravitational pull. It was beautiful and peaceful and watching the rhythm of it all was like a pendulum swinging in front of his eyes and Tony could feel all his stress and his worries leave him as he stood there _feeling_ the ocean's heartbeat. Thump. Bathump. Thump. Bathump.

 

The sun had already set by the time Pepper came home. She didn't think anything of the house being dark figuring that Tony was still in his workshop working on another suit and oblivious to the world around him and simply asked JARVIS to turn on the lights. As she walked into the living room area with the ceiling to floor glass windows she was startled to see Tony standing there as still as can be gazing out into the darkness beyond the windows. 

There was no moon that night so there was nothing to see but the stars but even out here they are dim caused by the light pollution. With nothing to see out there Pepper didn't understand why he was standing there in the dark gazing out into nothing. 

They had just reached the fifteenth month mark since the Battle in New York and just about a year since Tony started to delve deep into PTS, his obsession of his Iron Man Legion and he still wasn't getting any better. 

In the past month she's noticed his behavior getting progressively worse. Now, finding Tony standing spaced out in his mind it's just another sign that something is really wrong with Tony. 

It might be time to seriously consider getting him professional help.

"T-Tony," Pepper called out softly. Her voice was gentle and low, filled with her fright and worry.

Frustrated at herself for being agitated at nothing she called out his name again, louder this time, like she normally would.

But like before, Tony doesn't answer, doesn't move, he remains standing still and unmoved as if he is a wax figure or an apparition instead of a man made of flesh and blood. A chill ran down Pepper's back for some reason she can't explain. An unspoken fear she's unable to name. Some strange feeling as if she is glimpsing a future without Tony in it.

Pepper swallows down her fears and steels herself up and walked to Tony, slowly, her heels clacked loudly against the floor. There is still no response from Tony at the sound of her loud echoing steps. She stops when she is within inches of him and lift up her shaking hand, half fearful that as she goes to touch him it will instead pass through his form. Her hand makes a solid connection and it is only with that feeling of someone touching Tony that he makes any sound or movement as the glass in his hand falls to the ground and shatters. 

Tony was lost to the nothingness of his mind when he was gazing at the ocean and only became aware that there was someone else in the room when Pepper touched his arm. It was a sudden shock to his system as he went from a peaceful meditative state to full awareness of his surroundings and it caused his heartbeat to skyrocket and his hand to lose its grip on the glass. 

"Pepper," Tony mumbled in a hushed hurried almost breathless timbre. "I didn't realize that you were home."

"I noticed," Pepper replied caustically as she glanced at Tony and the way he was leaning against the window and spotted a wideness in his eyes as if she scared him. It reminded her of the fear she had moments ago. "Tony," Pepper whispered as she raised her hand to his cheek, "are you all right?" 

Tony's tongue metaphorically froze in his mouth as he felt the simultaneous urge to speak and give voice to what is worrying him, what is scaring him, but he also the need to keep it all to himself, that he can't burden Pepper with groundless worries. Even though Tony is nearly sure what the results will be he can't bring himself to speak of it to anyone else without physical confirmation. Not when he is doubting his own mind as he has been this past month. Not when it is when it's just his fear of what it could be. Instead, Tony raised his hand and softly brushed Pepper's cheek. "I'm fine Pep, just lost in my thoughts. How was your day?" 

Pepper Potts is many things but a fool is not one of them and she _knows_ that something else is going on here and that Tony is hiding something from her. However, she decides to let it go, for now.

Later on she will remember this moment and bring it up to Tony when she decides to confront him but right now it's not important.

Pepper gives Tony a smile, hooks her arm into his and they walk over to the couch sitting down as they decide to leave the glass shards to be cleaned up later. She curls up next to him and she tells Tony about her day and how Stark Industries is doing. It's all meaningless chitchat that she knows Tony isn't really interested in and she knows Tony is deflecting but seeing how Tony has been coping since New York she allows herself to be his distraction this time. 

Ever since Thor's brother came to Earth and attacked with his army of Chitauri, Tony has been jumpy and erratic. It reminds her of the way he was when he first came back from Afghanistan. Which is why she thinks his behavior is something to be expected considering everything that happened that day and how close she came to nearly losing him, again. 

The night that Tony told her what happened to him with the nuke and how the Hulk's roar brought him back, was one in which she held tightly to him and had to force herself to not cry and give him an ultimatum to give up the Iron Man gig. She loves this man so much but it drives her insane the amount of worry she has for him every time he does his Iron Man stuff because she knows one day he's not going to return. Pepper thinks its because of Afghanistan, that like Tony has his own emotional scars, she has her own. For three months Tony was held captive and tortured and she thought him dead. Every time she sees Tony in that suit it reminds her how many times she's nearly lost him and that was before they became a couple and her love for him only grew.

Which is why Pepper's been giving Tony the time to get his thoughts back together and build himself back up. She knows that he should be seeing a professional about his issues, but she also knows that Tony would never do that unless things reached a critical level to where he couldn't make science anymore. That rock bottom critical level is something that Pepper can't even imagine or want to see. It's why Pepper was allowing Tony to pull himself back from the business and public life and retreat into his lab to build his suits. It's his coping mechanism and as long as it helps him recover she has no issues with it. 

Tonight, however, was making her re-think her decision. In the past month he has been getting worse, more jumpy, more violent nightmares in which he wakes up screaming, shouting, shaking uncontrollably with cold sweat clinging to his body, and now she found him spaced out standing in front of the windows. Maybe it was time to look for professional help.

When the nightmares first happened Pepper tried to touch him to calm him down but that only made things worse. Now she just turns over in bed watching as he crawls into the bathroom and wondering what she could do to make it better, what she can do to help heal him.

Pepper fears that by enabling Tony she's doing everything wrong and she wonders how much longer it will take for Tony to start to be who he once was before New York. Or if he would ever be who he once was again.

 

Pepper loves Tony with all her heart, but that night as Tony lay sleeping, exhausted, after she took him, strapped down to the bed accepting her domination of him, she laid in bed next to him watching him sleep wondering what haunted him that he couldn't speak to her about. Was it New York? Or was something else entirely brewing up inside Tony? 

Pepper had never seen him so out of it as she did when she came home earlier that night to find him standing in the dark. 

Pepper laid her head upon his shoulder and wrapped Tony tightly in her arms. She wants to protect him so much from the rest of the world and the nightmares that tear him from his needed rest, but she can't. It's that inability to protect Tony that hurts her more than anything.. That and a looming fear she was going to lose him. 

Which is why she is really starting to hate his need to be Iron Man and do his ridiculous saving the world stunts that endanger his life. She can't lose him. Not like that.


	4. Tuesday August 21, 2012 T minus 262 Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Parts of this used to be part of chapter 1.

_Tuesday August 21, 2012 T minus 262 Days_

JARVIS didn't run one round of tests, he ran an entire battery of tests on Tony's blood samples, checking for anything and everything that could possibly reveal any sort of abnormalities in his blood work and DNA. It was because of this, that it took three and a half days for Tony to receive the results of the tests. 

Three days of Tony standing at the windows for hours upon hours just staring at the ocean's tidal waves during the day and the blackness of the night when the sun had set. He would stand there drinking his alcohol and feeling like a condemned man because he had this feeling that he already _knew_ what the result was going to be. 

The feeling was coming from the data that Tony would update on his Starkphone and how the visits kept increasing as the time between them kept decreasing. Today he hit the everyday mark, soon the visits will be happening more than once a day then it will keep increasing until a point will come when the visits are constantly happening with no break between them. After that, Tony doesn't know what will happen.

The reverse of the data is also daunting. How long had the hallucinations actually been taking place? How many times has he seen shadows dancing on the peripheral of his vision and thought nothing of it? Was it only now, with the audible hallucinations starting, that Tony's conscious recognized that something was wrong? 

It's almost like Tony isn't experiencing hallucinations but is somehow piercing a veil between this dimension and a neighboring one. What's happening is that his body and mind are learning to access that dimension. Well that at least explains the shadows...but not the bell tinklings and how Tony feels something inside answer that _call_. That's something that his data can't explain away by any relative fringe scientific theories.

Tony's acceptance of the fringe science theory is based on his fear and hope of finding another answer for his hallucinations than what he thinks it will be. Anything, even fringe science of dimensional bleed through is more acceptable.

By the data's estimates, pretty soon the hallucinations will give him his answer. Is it a dimensional bleed that Tony is learning to see? Or is it _them_ coming for him?

For now, it's just moments of hearing the bell that _calls_ to him, seeing a shadow just oscillating out of his clear sight, and moments of the feeling of being watched. Eventually, he will reach a point where the veil no longer exists and then he will _know_

However, Tony isn't patient enough to rely upon the data and wait for the visions to become more pronounced. He wants to know NOW. Which is why JARVIS is running the tests on his blood. 

Tony is at once hopeful and fearful. Hopeful that he is wrong. That something else is going on than what he dreads. Fearful because he he knows that it won't be true. 

He doesn't know what he will do when he can no longer deny what something inside him is telling, screaming, at him is the truth. However, Tony's tired of this Schrodinger's Cat bullshit and can't stand the knowing and not knowing where hope is still breathing. He needs the truth. No matter what it is.

 

When JARVIS calls him down to the lab that afternoon to be given his results Tony finds that not only isn't he not shocked or surprised but he feels somehow relieved. Something unusual had been found in his blood work. Something that can finally lead Tony to his answers.

"JARVIS, what'd you find?" Tony softly asks as he lets out a sigh. He half collapses in the chair as he sits down feeling drained of all his strength as he waits to hear the results with trepidation on par to feeling like he was awaiting his execution. 

"I am unsure, sir." JARVIS replied with uncertainty evident in his tone. 

Tony's forehead crinkled in confusion. "Not sure?" Then frustration leaked into his tone of voice as the stress from the past few days had been building up inside of him and now he was feeling it. "How are you not sure?! You had three days to run every test you could think of." 

"I did, sir." JAVIS snarked back. "I conducted three different rounds of tests upon the blood samples you gave me." JARVIS answered with a slightly frustrated and bewildered tone. 

"Th-Three rounds?!" Tony exclaimed as he tugged his hair in an attempt to keep his anger in check. _Goddamnit! What the hell? I've been standing around with my thump up my ass for whole three days, waiting for the results and JARVIS already had them done! He did it three fucking times even! And didn't even tell me?_ Tony ranted in his mind. Then a thought came to him, why did JARVIS run the tests two more times? Was there something _wrong_ with him? Something like a brain tumor or cancer and all of this has nothing to do with _them_?

Tony looked up, unsure what answer he was hoping for. Was _anything_ else really okay with him? Trying to hold on to his frustration and not let fear seep in Tony growled out, "Why?" 

"The first results were such that I thought there was an error in the machines. I re-calibrated them and tested the samples again. The same results came back. I then did a diagnostic on each of the machines to make sure everything was in working order and conducted the last round of tests on the left over blood samples.” JARVIS' answer emoted his own frustration and confoundedness at his creator's predicament. “Each time there was no change in the results. Either there is a flaw somewhere that I am missing with my diagnostic ability or the results are true." JARVIS paused and then continued,"In that case, sir, it is a most puzzling occurrence. The results do not make any logical sense." 

Tony frowned. This entire situation isn't anything like what Tony was told it should be, or anything he thought it would be like. "Tell me, JARVIS..." Tony cut off as he took a swallow to gather his resolve, his fingers tapping on the table with nervousness. "What are the results?" 

"An unknown substance resides in your DNA, sir." JARVIS paused and then continued with a befuddled tone,"If I was to hazard a guess, I would say it resembles a viral antibody. Although the composition of it and its behavior is unlike anything I have ever seen before." 

"Viral?" Tony uttered half to himself, confusion laced in his voice as he renewed his tapping.

"Yes, sir." JARVIS confirmed, "It is acting similar to the HIV virus, but with radically different prerogatives and intentions." 

"How?" Is the only word that Tony was able to utter while all he could think of was so very many questions about the logistics of it all, what this could mean for genetic studies, and what it means for him. 

"In short, sir. The virus seems to be replacing your immune system with its own antibodies. It's acting similar to a parasitic host in that it is changing your body to suit its needs. However, instead of making your body weaker and more susceptible to viral and bacterial infections such as HIV and AIDS are known for causing, this virus is doing the opposite." JARVIS responded as Tony stops his tapping in shock. "It is behaving remarkably similarly to the versions of HIV being used to treat cancer." 

Upon hearing that all Tony can think of is that he finally has the answer. All these years they never knew why them, how it could happen to them, but now he has it. "Could this virus have been a genetic mutation that suddenly kicked on? Like an autoimmune disorder that was laying dormant until triggered?" 

"I cannot say with certainty, sir. The results show it is possible but it is not conclusive without more tests being done in order to rule out any other factors that could be causing the results." Tony nods. As much as he would like to think he could have all the answers now and prepare for what is to come, there is still uncertainty in the results until they check it again with other machines and other tests to rule everything out. The cold pit of fear in his stomach is heavier with these answers and more questions. 

"What tests do you need to run?" Tony queried JARVIS as he absentmindedly thought about what this all means. If JARVIS' tests are correct then he has his answers. If it is false...then that means that something else is going on with Tony, something possibly life-threatening. It's doubtful that the equipment would be faulty but is that the answer he wants?

"Tests that we do not have the equipment for here," JARVIS replied. Tony feels a well of frustration build up inside of him. "Then buy the equipment we need for the tests and have them shipped here." Tony sniped back to JARVIS. 

Tony just wants to know where he stands. Is it cancer? Some sort of rare genetic disease that is confusing JARVIS with their 'faulty' equipment? Or is it _them_ coming out to play with Tony, the last of the Starks, the last of his mother's line. But why now? He has an idea, a fear, of what it could be. But that's different compared to _knowing_ the answer with undeniable proof. 

"It would be easier and more expedient for sir to travel to Stark Tower." JARVIS stated as he continued to explain, "The tower not only has the equipment necessary for the tests I need to conduct but they are also already installed and operational. This means I can do the exams as soon as sir reaches the medical lab. There will be no need to wait as the equipment is shipped, assembled, and then installed." 

"Fuck." Tony whispered as he casts his eyes skyward in thought. It would require him to travel back to New York. It's something that Tony has been dreading since the nightmares began because of his belief that being in the city had been triggering them. The last time he was there was when he and Rhodey as War Machine dealt with that maniac Bruno Horgan otherwise known as The Melter.

Tony can't fly there as Iron Man in the suit. That would require more finagling than he wants to do with Fury. With the jet he can at least pretend it's official business but that still requires him to go to New York and expose him to those memories. What if he has an attack on the plane or in the limo? Or in the tower? How will he explain that? 

JARVIS, knowing about his hangups on returning to New York, soothingly stated, "I would have the results done in a day if not hours instead of the weeks it would take to get the equipment sent here and the time it would take to set them up properly." JARVIS paused and then continued, "You do want the results as soon as possible do you not, sir?" 

Tony knew JARVIS was right. Tony felt like a child scared of the monster under the bed in avoiding New York and everything going on but damnit his monster was real and somehow the thought of going to New York felt like he would attract the monster's attention. A shiver ran up his back at that thought and something somewhere in his mind twinged.

"Fuck." Tony swore once more as he put his head in the palm of his hands. He felt like he was trapped between a rock and a hard place. Return to the scene of his nightmares or continue to live in ignorance of what is happening to him for several weeks more?

"Sir?" JARVIS called out, trying to stir Tony from his spiraling thoughts and doubt. 

Tony gives up trying to hide himself in his hands and calls out to JARVIS, "Do it. I'll leave for the Tower in the morning." Tony informed JARVIS as he got up to leave the lab. "Oh," Tony called back to JARVIS as he forgot one thing, "Inform Pepper of the trip. Give some suitable excuse about why I need to be there. I'll be upstairs."

"Yes, sir." JARVIS replied as the optics in his cameras watched his creator dejectedly walk up the stairs. Sir's recent behavior was concerning to the A.I. as one of his core programing traits was for JARVIS to look after him. JARVIS was unsure if there was anything that he could do except to follow his orders. 

When Tony leaves the workshop he has nowhere else to go but where he's been going for the past few days, his spot at the window with the best view of the ocean. It's at this one spot in the whole of his mansion that feels the most settled and calm.

His greatest childhood fear is becoming reality, Tony isn't even prepared for what is going to happen because all he has are the stories his mother told him and the timeline of the events. The symptoms he has doesn't fully match the stories and as there is no one left alive in his family that means there is no one that can give him advice for what is going to come. Yet, somehow, even with all of this stress and fear upon his shoulders when he is standing in his spot it all drifts away. Everything drifts away as he stares at the ocean as it breathes.

What Tony needs more than anything is answers. Facts. Data. Anything that he can work with. He needs to know how much time he has. 

Because, once he knows then Tony can prepare to fight back. He's not going gently into that good night, he will fight against the dying of the light. 

He is Tony Fucking Stark and there is no way he is going to let them just take him away like a prized cow for the slaughter. 

Already, Tony can feel their eyes watching him. He can hear their tinkling voices _calling_ his name, trying to seduce him to their side. He can feel them hovering around him and spy their shadowy forms outside his direct field of vision by the corner of his eye. It is only the beginning as the stories spoke about it started out small and it would gain in strength until a point where he would feel as if he belonged more to their world than his own.

Jealous creatures as they are they hate for anything or anyone to interfere their sport. It, him, everything is all just a game to them. 

One in which the chips are stacked against him. 

When the time was right with the moon hidden from view and the night as dark as it could be, they would come for him. There was nowhere he could hide from them. He was a marked man and they would come for him and drag him to their world. It didn't matter where he was, when the moment came he could be in the deepest mine, the darkest fathom of the crevasses in the crust of the ocean, the highest mountain, the most structurally sound vault they would come and take him and not even the most tumultuous weather would be able to stop them. 

What was a locked door to them when they could just walk through it? 

They may be a part of this world but they were not of it and the normal rules didn't apply to them. They were beings unlike any that S.H.I.E.L.D. had ever dealt with and he doubted ever the Æsir could stop them. 

Nothing would or could stop them. 

Iron possibly, but that would only anger them and in their anger blood would be wrought from him and all those around him. They would demand death and destruction as payment for interference with their games. None would be spared from their wrath. Not even babies.

As if they hear his thoughts, the sound of their tinkling bell-like laughter fills the air. This game of theirs is played by their rules and it is one they fully expect to win. It infuriates him.

Tony would show them like he has shown everyone else. He is the Merchant of Death and no one or thing of Earth, the Nine Realms, or other dimensions is going to capture him and hold him prisoner if he has anything to say about it. He would burn them and their world to ashes if they try.


End file.
